What are you going to do with piano?
Faustino Labastida (my grandfather)
On December 21, 2024, my mom died peacefully in her sleep, in her own bed after a year and a half battle with metastatic breast cancer.
Today would have been her 82nd birthday. I miss her. Her not being alive any more is so surreal.
Here is the eulogy I wrote for her and read at her funeral.
Rest in peace, Mom.
If you ever spent time with my mom, you would know she repeated a lot of stories. Mia, Phine and I would play a silent game of BINGO where we would shoot each other looks when she told the stories we predicted on the car ride up .
The story on heaviest rotation was “What are you going to do with piano?” It goes like this. When my mom was young she wanted to be a concert pianist. When she told this to her dad he replied, “What are you going to do with piano?” So she studied science instead. My mom was a really talented pianist. If there was ever a piano in public, she would start playing it no matter how socially appropriate or not. When I was young I used to run around the house to her playing classical pieces. They are all burned into my long-term memory. When I hear one today and pay attention to it, I realize these pieces are really complicated. I don’t think I fully understood how talented a pianist my mom was until adulthood.
Later in life, she played more contemporary standards like Shadow of Your Smile, Misty and I’ll Be Seeing You. She played every day until the last few weeks of her life when she had trouble getting out of bed. She always supported Gregory’s and my artistic pursuits. She would have never asked us, “What are you going to do with piano?” Instead she got us music lessons and made sure we had the instruments we needed. She saw the value of art and music in a world that mostly rewards academics. I wouldn’t have survived in that world, and I am forever grateful.
The next story is called, “What the Hell is the Dow Jones.” When my mom was 26 she would watch Walter Cronkite on the news and he would say, “The Dow Jones went up, the Dow Jones went down” to which she replied, “What the Hell is the Dow Jones?” She then went to the library and researched what the Dow Jones meant. When Forbes offered an investing course with a 10-day free trial, she bought it, had my dad photocopy it at work, then returned it within 10 days. She learned to invest in stocks and had a real knack for it. Later, she also got into real estate investing. The Beanie Babies and Cabbage Patch dolls she bought didn’t pan out, but she built a lot of wealth by investing in the stock market.
My mom always had an entrepreneurial spirit starting businesses to sell her pottery and later her orchids. She had a focused ambition and was fearless in researching and learning whatever it took to get herself where she wanted to be in life. Anything she put energy and effort into pursuing, she achieved success in.
Within a few months, both Mia and I will be retired and that is because of my mom. She never sat me down and showed me stock trading tips, but she modeled a growth mindset. She taught me money is not something to be afraid of or not talk about; it’s something you make work for you. When I was a little older than 26, I taught myself about personal finance, and Mia and I started aggressively saving for retirement and investing. I believe this wouldn’t have happened if my mom didn’t model that behavior since I was little. I really owe it to her for empowering me to achieve financial independence.
My mom and I had a challenging relationship for most of my life; however, when she started experiencing stages of dementia a few years ago, it changed her. She didn’t get mad as easily as she used to. She was silly and funny, and she didn’t spend time dwelling on her cancer, even when she lost her eye to it. I am so grateful I got to experience this iteration of my mom. She danced, laughed, and said sweet and loving things to me and Mia. The past few years my mom didn’t want to socialize as much. The cancer made her extremely fatigued, and she was self-conscious about her eye, but I wish you all could have met this fun version of my mom. The stories went from being repeated once to a few times a visit, but that was okay.
My mom loved to travel, and last Thanksgiving, she got to go on a “dementia-friendly” cruise to the Caribbean. Two staff members got married during the trip, and my mom got to play the piano before and after their wedding ceremony. When I asked her about it later, her face lit up. That’s what you can do with piano.
Do what you love, no matter where you are. Don’t let circumstances stop you from reaching your goals. And when it comes to family, meet people where they are. Appreciate the good in them, and when you can, forgive the rest. Find beauty in everyday things—like a blooming orchid or the joy of exploring a new place. That, I believe, is my mom’s legacy.